One of the things that I have struggled a lot with in life is the fact that I don’t have a lot of formal education. I always have this bit of a chip on my shoulder because of it. I feel like I have to work a lot harder to prove myself because I don’t have a piece of paper that says I endured school. The question that I fear internally the most is the question of, “What qualifies you to be a pastor?”
I did attend an institute of ministry called Rhema Bible Training Center in Tulsa, Ok. but did not finish. I got hired by a church after my first year and never returned to finish up my degree. Because I don’t have a degree I have always felt like a less than and that I didn’t know enough. The real problem with this thinking is that I have always felt like I have had to make up my inadequacies by outworking everyone else. I told my pastor and mentor Randy Bezet one day that a lot of people are smarter, better looking, more educated and have more potential but it is really hard to beat someone in life who doesn’t sleep. I have made it my mission to outwork anyone and by doing that I can beat anyone. The thing that you don’t realize when you outwork everyone is that you truly sacrifice other areas of your life.
I would say that there have been times that I have had an affair on my wife. It was never with a person but with my work. There were times when I loved my job more than I loved her. There were times that I would sacrifice for the church but would not budge for her. All because of my insecurity in feeling less than I would hurt the one person who thought I was a more than.
I am totally not qualified by peoples standards to be a pastor of a church, but I am qualified by God’s. That is the thing that I had to learn. I had to learn that he was the one that called, qualified, and equipped not some person or institution. I had to learn that my greatest and first ministry started first and foremost in my home with my wife, who is my partner. I am so thankful for an amazing woman that I get to do life with everyday who I love more than life itself.
God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
AMEN!!!